Two Gay Sons in a Mormon Military Family - Laing Family Pt. 3 | Ep. 1468

Kelly Laing spent his career commanding nuclear submarines for the United States Navy, a job requiring precision, certainty, and the ability to handle catastrophic pressure. Yet the most destabilizing force he encountered was not deep beneath the ocean, but sitting in a bishop's office in Annapolis, Maryland. The Laing family Mormon Stories narrative, documented in a three-part interview with John Dehlin, reveals how a decorated military officer and his wife navigated the implosion of their faith after both of their sons came out as gay.

Background: Utility vs. Validity

Laing’s Mormon credentials were impeccable. He had served multiple times in bishoprics, including a demanding stint at the U.S. Naval Academy. In 2008, while serving as a counselor to a bishop who fell seriously ill from shingles and medical complications, Laing began to distinguish between what he called the "utility" of the Church and its "validity." The utility was cracking under the weight of administrative exhaustion; the validity would soon follow.

When Laing transferred to Annapolis to command midshipmen, he explicitly told his new bishop that his nuclear submarine command duties left no margin for weeknight meetings. He requested a Sunday-only calling. The Church gave him First Counselor in the bishopric instead. For a year, he slept four hours nightly, pouring energy into midshipmen and ward business while his own children faced bullying at a local high school and his son Britain descended into suicidal depression during a Mormon mission.

Key Claims and Historical Evidence

The breaking point arrived with a phone call. Laing was sitting beside the Chief of Naval Operations at a parade when he learned Britain had attempted suicide while serving in the mission field. The mission president had never disclosed the severity of the crisis, including Britain's self-harm and ideation. When Britain returned home and came out as gay, Laing faced a zero-sum choice.