Being Gay at BYU - Daniel Spencer @danbanbam Pt . 2 | Ep. 1672

Being Gay at BYU: When the Institution Outlasts the Person

Daniel Spencer came back from his mission with a strong testimony, 1.7 million TikTok followers waiting to be earned, and a secret he could not say out loud. His story, told across two episodes of the Mormon Stories Podcast with host John Dehlin, is one of the most precise accounts available of what it actually costs to be gay inside the Latter-day Saint institutional system, not in theory, but in the specific, grinding, daily reality of it.

The implied question people search for is simple: what is it actually like to be gay at BYU? Spencer's answer, stripped to its core, is this: you learn to feel nothing, because feeling anything at all will destroy you.

Background: A Zimbabwean Mormon, a Mission, and a Return to Provo

Spencer's path to BYU ran through a mission in Canada and a faith structure built on fear as much as conviction. He describes his post-mission testimony as "pretty strong," but strong in the way a person grips a ledge when the drop below is terrifying. His own word for it, from the Mormon Stories interview, is "fear-based."

He returned home and came out to his sister Hannah within two months. His family (prepared partly by an aunt who had already come out as a lesbian and absorbed the initial shock) accepted him without the catastrophic rupture many gay LDS members face.