Brainwashing myself in the Mormon church #lds #mormon #exmormon

The phrase "brainwashing myself in the Mormon church" sounds like an admission of defeat, but for many members, it functioned as a spiritual survival strategy. A recent episode of the Mormon Stories Podcast captured this exact phenomenon when a former member described running mental drills to prepare for commands that might violate her conscience. She imagined scenarios where prophets would demand she accept polygamy or marry a stranger claiming divine revelation, then practiced suppressing her objections. This was not external coercion. It was voluntary conditioning performed inside the privacy of her own mind to ensure she would never resist church authority.

Background: The Theology of Unquestioning Obedience

Mormon theology contains a specific mechanism for this kind of self-regulation. Leaders frame obedience as the first law of heaven and cite Abraham's near-sacrifice of Isaac as the template for faith. Members learn that true discipleship requires submitting personal judgment to prophetic authority, even when commands appear immoral or irrational. This creates a peculiar psychological environment where doubt becomes a sin and questioning a sign of spiritual danger.

The church's historical practice of polygamy, discontinued officially in 1890 but retained in temple sealing theology, provides a ready-made test case for members wondering if they could obey such a command today. Previous generations faced this question as a reality rather than a hypothetical. Contemporary members inherit the theological framework without the historical context, leaving them to wonder what they would do if commanded to practice plural marriage or give up a child to the church.

Key Claims: Mental Rehearsal as Self-Conditioning

The Mormon Stories interview reveals how this theology translates into daily cognitive labor. The speaker described performing what she called "Abrahamic tests" in her imagination. She would construct scenarios where a prophet commanded something traumatic, then rehearse her compliance until the anxiety subsided. This was brainwashing as DIY project. She was not capturing dissent. She was pre-emptively neutralizing it before it could fully form.