Parents should not tell their children, "I love you, but.."

"I Love You, But": Why Three Words Undercut Everything Before Them

Telling your child "I love you, but I'm disappointed in your choices" feels honest to many religious parents. It sounds like integrity. It sounds like love with truth attached. What it actually does, according to a growing number of family therapists and adult children of devout Mormon parents, is install a condition inside a sentence that was supposed to have none.

The phrase "I love you, but..." has become a flashpoint in conversations about how Latter-day Saint families navigate faith transitions, LGBTQ identity, and the space between doctrinal loyalty and relational intimacy. It matters because millions of families are living through exactly this tension right now.

The Setup: When a Text Message Becomes a Verdict

A story shared on the Mormon Stories Podcast captures the dynamic precisely. A person reached out to a family member with a warm, vulnerable message. The text said something like: I love you, I appreciate you, it means everything that you accept me for who I am.

The family member waited about a week to respond.