Mormon Stories #1220: Lisa Hacking - My Bosom Still Burns (THRIVEDAY 2019)

When the Fire Becomes the Problem: Lisa Hacking's Reckoning with Mormon Certainty

What happens when the metaphors that sustained your faith for decades suddenly become the bars of a cage? Lisa Hacking's story, shared in Mormon Stories Podcast episode #1220, presents a compelling case study in how deeply embedded religious frameworks can shape family relationships, personal identity, and the capacity for doubt. Her journey from devoted believer to questioner, and her husband Paul's parallel path from believer to skeptic, reveals tensions that many LDS families face when fundamental worldviews diverge.

The title of Hacking's narrative, "My Bosom Still Burns," references Doctrine and Covenants 9:8, a scripture often cited in the LDS tradition as evidence of spiritual confirmation through emotional sensation. Yet Hacking's story interrogates whether that burning sensation, that internal fire she was taught to maintain through prayer, scripture study, and temple attendance, actually represents divine guidance or something more troubling: emotional conditioning mistaken for revelation.

Background: The Architecture of a Believing Life

Hacking describes a childhood saturated in Mormon culture and metaphor. Her father's consistent message, "throw another log on the fire", wasn't merely inspirational pep talk. It represented the LDS theology that spiritual maintenance requires constant effort, vigilance, and submission to prescribed practices. Her mother embodied this devotion, consumed by maintaining her own spiritual fire while helping her children kindle theirs.

This framework worked effectively as a motivational system for decades. Hacking received early recognition as a reliable believer: selected for Beehive presidency, trusted with leadership responsibilities, and encouraged to view her faithfulness as exceptional. The system reinforced itself through incremental privileges and social affirmation.