Losing a Child after losing faith in Mormonism

When Faith Ends and Grief Begins: The Hidden Cost of Losing Belief in Mormonism

When someone leaves the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints after years of membership, the psychological and relational fallout is well documented. But one story stands out for its particular anguish: the experience of parents who lose faith in Mormonism only to subsequently lose a child, and must grieve without the spiritual scaffolding they once relied upon. The Mormon Stories Podcast recently featured an account that illuminates how deeply faith and family decision-making are intertwined in LDS culture, and what happens when that foundation cracks.

The pain becomes sharper because it exposes a structural problem within Mormon theology about marriage, commitment, and divine will. When doctrine teaches that "any two Mormons can make a marriage work if they're both righteous," it sets up a tragic equation: personal happiness becomes secondary to obedience, and major life decisions are outsourced to prayer and divine confirmation rather than grounded in emotional or sexual compatibility. The consequences of this teaching extend far beyond divorce statistics.

The Marriage Doctrine That Precedes the Loss

The LDS Church teaches that successful marriage depends primarily on the righteousness of both partners, not on practical compatibility or mutual desire. This principle has shaped countless courtship decisions for generations of Mormons.

According to the account shared on Mormon Stories, when a young woman received a marriage proposal, her instinctive response was to refuse. Yet she said yes anyway. Why? Because she had internalized the teaching that with enough faith and obedience, any marriage could succeed. The sexual and romantic dimensions of the relationship were never central to the decision. What mattered was whether God had "given a sign" approving the match.