1608: Thrive Story - Parenting After Mormonism with Rachel

Parenting After Mormonism: When Faith Deconstruction Meets Family Discipline

For many who leave the LDS Church, the most immediate and painful parenting question is not theological, it's practical. How do we unlearn the discipline strategies we absorbed from church culture? How do we parent our children without the religious framework that once justified our approach? In Episode 1608 of Mormon Stories, titled "Thrive Story - Parenting After Mormonism with Rachel," hosts Margie Delane and John Dolan explore this crucial but underexamined intersection of faith deconstruction and family life, offering listeners a candid examination of how LDS theology shapes parenting practices, and what happens when that theology no longer guides a parent's worldview.

The episode presents a story that will resonate with many former members: the journey of reconsidering parenting methods rooted in conditional love, strict obedience frameworks, and the fear-based incentive systems embedded in Mormon culture. Rachel's account, as documented in the podcast series, reveals how deeply institutional religion can shape not only belief but behavior, particularly in the intimate space of parent-child relationships.

The Roots of Control-Based Parenting in LDS Culture

Rachel grew up in a large, geographically dispersed Mormon family on the U.S. East Coast, where being LDS meant a total identity merger. As she describes it, she "learned to really identify herself as mormon first above anything else." This early and complete identity immersion shaped not only her beliefs but her internal policing mechanisms. She recalls developing what she calls "performative piousness", constant self-monitoring to ensure she was living correctly, not only for herself but to inspire others toward righteousness.

The church's emphasis on obedience and worthiness created what Rachel identifies as internalized behavioral control. She and her siblings became adept at policing themselves and each other, monitoring thoughts, behaviors, words, and even permitted beliefs. This wasn't primarily imposed by her parents; rather, it was a natural outgrowth of a religious system that ties spiritual worthiness to compliance.